Sans-Phone

As of July 22, 2009, circa 8:25 a.m. I am sans-phone. Well, not 100%. I can still text, call, hear, etc. I just cannot SPEAK to people. So it’s almost like I can “page” people, let them know I want their attention, but it’s a one-way street. In the grand scheme of things, not the WORST situation in the world, but still damn agitating. It’s still an unnerving situation to be in.

It all started this morning when my texting addiction took over and convinced me that I needed to text while showering-10 minutes without showering must have seemed mind-boggling. I did not text in the actual shower (although how amazing would that be? One day…), but the occasional pause throughout my routine, sticking half my body out, and replying to texts. My dripping self did this quite a few times, although I knew the risk involved. This is my version of “living on the edge.” A true BAMF would pull it off; I, on the other hand, end up speaking-deprived.

It’s not like the phone was drenched in a crazy tidal wave of water. Instead, like in any other showering situation, my hands must have been wet or my hair dripping. Regardless, this must have been enough for the water to burrow its way into my phone. This would be my fourth damaged phone since the beginning of college freshman year. My track record is two water damages and one broken flip. But it’s not like I ball out after each phone; I only get the same exact phone again or the slightly newer version if the old one is now obsolete.

Anyway, after thirty minutes with tech support, I am given the fortunate news that I have a warranty and that the Verizon Store in Soho has my same exact phone. My tech dude is such a swell guy that he calls for me and even reserves it. I’m feeling pretty lucky at this point until my co-worker, Joe, opens up my phone and checks the battery--“they’re not going to take this.” Turns out the little white sticker on my phone is red which, if you haven’t figured it out, means my phone has been exposed to water and thus, no longer under warranty. Of course, I go straight to my savior, Google, and Google the matter for further evidence--it’s true. I also find some interesting nerd-sites about how to dry a phone. Turns out submerging one’s phone in rice is a popular trick. Also, something 95% alcohol or something, I forget. These geeks even have How-To websites on how to trick Verizon—a small piece of white one-sided sticky paper, or white out. I immediately asked a superior for white out.

But first I decided I’d try my luck at the store. If they noticed, only then would I resort to arts and crafts. What they tell me at Verizon is ludicrous. I originally bought my phone in August last summer. My phone broke in the fall, was covered under warranty (for a year, mind you), and so I received a replacement from Verizon. Now, as far as I understand, the whole point of the replacement is to replace my original. As a replacement, it should be as good a quality of a phone with all of the original perks. Apparently, replacement phones only have a 90-day warranty. So basically, my original phone from August ’08 was supposed to be covered for a year, but due to a malfunction of THEIR product (to which they owe me a replacement—their policy, not mine), my ORIGINAL benefit is cut short.

Long story short, I’m stuck with a one-way cell phone. As I’m typing this, my battery is one cup full of rice, my actual phone in another. That’s right, after meeting Alex briefly during my lunch break, I bought myself a box of rice. I’m probably the first person ever to proudly waltz back from lunch break with a $2.00 box of rice, determined to save his phone. At the moment, I’m sort of a poor man’s mute basically. So, if you want to call someone to only hear your own voice, give me a call. Besides, who doesn’t like hearing their own voice? Better yet, why would a mute ever want to be a part of a conversation?